Monday, September 19, 2011

Digging Deep

I have been given a lot of credit for leaving the type of job I know--the type that is somewhat predictable and pays well enough. I have been told it's brave.
But really, leaving the job was pretty easy for me.

I have never done work like this--and though it's not a career power-move, it has been worth the pay cut. At the end of the day, I feel good about my work. I feel like my small imprint on the planet is for the better--for everyone. And I hope I'm right about that. And I hope it's all worth it. I have to believe that it is. That it will be.

The hard part, is leaving and missing people I care about (but seeing as many of them as much as possible!) leaving familiar places and their comforting conveniences, treasured frequent gatherings, important and vibrant diverse culture, nights in with the best company... leaving (but holding on to) memories...

It's hard.

It's hard to let go, and I'm not sure that can leave it all...
I won't let the important things slip away.

Fall here means life and loss. All that we have been working at so hard, keeping all this life alive and flourishing...nurturing these plants that give us this food to sustain us through the cold, from what seems like such a long time ago, but doesn't either.

They are dying. But they are still giving.
They are emerging out of the fade in all their glorious color...
And we have some new fleeting life...
And also, the kind of life that is just starting to flame again, but will fire and burn out, --to a winter statue.
We wait and life will come back to it, with breath again, like a phoenix, in the spring.
Some things are worth the wait. And those things are good.

I think one of the reasons I love the sky so much (besides that it is so darn pretty) is because the horizon is always changing, but always steady. Sometimes it's cloudy but even then, it's beautiful. And I never ever doubt it will clear up, as well I know it will cloud again.
It will bring the sunrise and the sunset of each new day. I only need choose what to do with each one that it brings.

And I am digging deep to seek out the answer, to make my choice. Always. Each and every day.

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